This is what a man I used to be friends with told me when I asked why he never married his varsity sweetheart. He explained further that it was not because he did not want her to be what she wanted to be, it is just that the timing was not right. Basically what the guy was saying to his girlfriend was, put your career on hold and I will take care of you. Once I am where I need to be and the kids have grown, I will be your cheerleader as you pursue your career.
What he was really saying is, put your dreams on hold for 15 years, and you can always pick up from where you left off after the kids are in their late teens. What he actually meant, in simple English is, COMPROMISE!
One of my FB friends, and an amazing writer wrote a FB status “One day, when we are ready, we must address why women compromise.” The truth in that status hit so hard that one began to wonder why women compromise so much that they would give their lives to settle for less.
The lady who decided to choose her dreams first than put them on hold and be a bitter wife and mother decided not to compromise, yet we know a lot of women in her situation who we have sat with them and advised them to marry and settle unless she wants to marry her big house. We advise “choose this, it’s hard to be find the one to marry these days!” So in fear of dying alone, she may decide to marry and put her dreams, goals and ambitions on hold.
Why do women compromise? Why did one of my friends choose to marry the same guy who abuses her? Why did one of the closest woman to me decide to stay in her marriage even after realising her man cheats? Why does one of my friends choose to protect her man’s lies, ego and pride even if its costing her, her happiness? Why is the lady next door holding on to her 10 years relationship with a successful man, who she’s not happy with but can’t break up with him because shes scared of what will happen if he jets of to marry someone in 10 months and she is left single?
Why do most of the things we compromise on have something to do with a man?
“Compromise: The expedient acceptance of standards that are lower than is desirable”
Let me clear something, sacrifice and compromise don’t mean the same thing. A relationship with God requires sacrifice. Marriage requires sacrifice (An abusive marriage does not apply here). You sacrifice to be great at what you do. You sacrifice to have the summer body. It is costly to sacrifice but worth it.
“Sacrifice: An act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else regarded as more important and worthy”
However, compromise is when someone settles for less than what they bargained for.
Society has taught humans that women are the ones to compromise:
There are destructive life cues that teach males and females that females are the weaker equation and those cues are learned from a young age. Under the guise of maternal responsibility, society has undermined a woman’s potential and restricted it to the home, thereby disqualifying women from the workplace.
The other day I was sitting listening to someone announcing a princess day that was going to happen for the girls. He then told the boys not to worry, champion day is coming soon. I had an issue processing that, why are boys called champions and girls princesses? Why can’t my girls be champions? Why can’t they be viewed as strong, powerful and warriors? Why are those names reserved only for boys?
We grow up in a society reminding us everyday that we are girls. Words that are used to describe women will be different to those used to describe boys. We are to always explain ourselves, we are to compete with other women and, we are to understand that most times, men can’t control themselves.
Women are selfless:
If you know a woman who is a mother, an older sister or a wife, then you are aware of how selfless women are. A woman would wear the same underwear for 5 years(no matter how bad it looks!) but to ensure her loved ones get the best. A woman would receive a gift card to spoil herself, yet get to the store and see something nice for her loved one and spend her gift card on them. A woman would quit her job for a man. A woman would take all her salary and spend it on her loved ones. A woman would put her dreams on hold to support a loved one. We don’t mind coming second.
Women are inclined to think of others first, leaving them to compromise a lot in situations. You need to know as a woman that it’s okay to put yourself first. I don’t think women were an afterthought in Gods mind, in fact God uses words such as strong, warrior and a champion to describe you, so what makes you think you are less than? You cannot settle and you cannot allow your peers to settle!
How we raise our girls and boys will be the only way to change society’s perceptions and know that neither boys nor girls are born to settle for less.
“I loved her, but I couldn’t marry her because she wanted to pursue her career and I didn’t want my child to grow up without a full time parent at home. I wanted to be a director of a company, and she wanted the same thing at the same time as me. So who was going to be home with the kids when we both have demanding jobs? I couldn’t marry her.”
Do you know your triggers? I remember my phone ringing just after midnight on the 20 th of July 2016 and it was my cousin. I didn’t answer, thinking it was probably a mistake. Seconds later, Bongani’s phone rang and judging by his response, it wasn’t good news at all....
Boundaries...A journey to your happily ever afterI visited home 4 months after my wedding and made it a point to visit the people I did life with, including some of the mamas from my previous home cell. I remember one of them asked how my father in law was, and I...